Thoughts on Motherhood, 9 months in
(Originally written July 2015)
This month Caleb has started throwing mini tantrums when he doesn’t get his way or if we take something away from him we don’t want him to hold due to germs, danger, etc (like our Iphone or the remote). He has also started hitting us in the face on occasion. He is just so rough. He hits, bangs and throws everything. I asked the doctor for advice and she said we he throws a tantrum either distract him with something else (a safe toy), which we had already been doing a lot of, or put him down and ignore him. And we he hits us in the face, she said to say, “No hitting” and set him down. We are entering into the most terrifying part of parenting for me….discipline and training. I was such an obedient kid by nature, and I know that is not the case for most kiddos, so I am already worried about how to get him to obey. I know he’s only 9 months old, and too young to “discipline” in a certain sense of the word, but I also know that training starts now. I tell him no often and try to practice various things. (Update: Check out this post I wrote when he was 3.5 that is full of practical ideas for discipline and handling tantrums)
All of this has got me thinking about his wants vs. his needs. For months when a baby enters in the world, they primarily have needs (in Caleb’s case, a “High Needs Baby”, LOTS OF NEEDS, you can read more here), but then they slowly start transitioning to letting you know they don’t only have needs, but wants and preferences as well. Being a parent is a huge joy and responsibility. We make countless decisions every day, even at this young of an age- what do we let him play with, look at, hold, where can he explore, does he get to watch tv? or hold our phones, what food should we feed him, what toys should we give him, what children does he get to interact with and in what environment, etc. And I know there will be even more decisions big and small to come along this parenting journey. This is truly only the beginning. There will probably be a day 16 years from now when I’m like, “remember when I used to worry about feeding him organic food? yeah…I wish our worries were that simple now”, but no matter where you are in the parenting journey there are always worries. And it never stops. My 87 year old Maw Maw tells me she still worries about her children.
But recent events have gotten me thinking about what it truly means to love. What does it mean that Bryan and I love our son, and want what is best for him? Does it mean we just want him to be “happy” even if that means playing with something dangerous or eating the dog food (seriously he goes after Tenley’s bowl every single time and screams bloody murder when we take him away)? I think every parent in the world would say emphatically, “NO!” There is a huge misconception about what it means to love today.
Loving doesn’t equal letting.
Loving means guiding and directing and sometimes saying no, even if it doesn’t make your child “happy” at the moment. You know better than them as the parent. You know there are consequences to certain types of behavior long term. You know sometimes you have to say no, even if it brings tears, even if it’s not what your 9 month old or 9 year old or 16 year old wants. And no parent out there gets it perfect every single time. We are all just trying the best we can to train up our children in the way that is best for them.
There are no perfect parents on earth, but we do have a perfect Heavenly Father who loves us, and is so infinitely more wise than we are. He knows best. He can see the big picture. So when He tells us, “No”, it is because He loves us, and He knows what choices will bring us the most joy. After all, He made us. We live in a time where tolerance is “god” and “everyone does what is right in his own eyes”. Sometimes I get terrified about raising children in these confusing, troubling times, but I know I am not alone. And I know there is grace. I am so thankful for a God who is so much bigger than I can imagine, for my amazing godly husband, and for a wonderful community to do life with. I know I could never do this Christian life alone, and I am thankful that I do not have to.
Recently, our Pastor has been away and we have had some amazing guest speakers- two of which are Nabeel Qureshi (an M.D. and former devout Muslim who became a Christian and told his story) and Lee Strobel (a former editor, journalist and lawyer who was an atheist for years until he began researching the claims of the Bible and came upon so much evidence, in his words “it would have taken more faith for me to maintain my atheism”- update: check out the movie
Related Post: Lions, Tigers and Bears…Blow Outs, Flat Tires and Traffic Oh My! (when God’s Delays are actually Loving)
Related Post: When God Speaks (He knows your Name and He loves you)
