What my 4 Year Old Taught Me About Work and New Years Resolutions

We waited for a good-weather day the week after Christmas and Bryan left to go get mulch just before the boys were going down for their afternoon nap. Caleb (4) asked me as I was putting him down if he could help Daddy when he got home. So when Bryan got back and after we had done a few wheelbarrow loads full ourselves, I remembered my promise. I had mixed feelings about going to wake Caleb up- sometimes (or let’s be honest, pretty much all the time with a 4, 2 and 1 year old) it’s just easier to get things done when the kids are asleep.

But, I always want to keep my promises, so I went upstairs to ask Caleb if he wanted to help.  This boy who normally is in a really grouchy mood when he wakes up, shot straight up and with the biggest smile on his face, said, “Yes! I’m a really good helper!”

As I watched Caleb work with us that afternoon, I felt that familiar stirring in my soul- the one where the Spirit whispers- are you watching? Do you see what I’m showing you?

Here are some lessons my four year old taught me about work:

Caleb watched as his Daddy made trip after trip with wheelbarrows full of mulch, he saw how he was wearing work gloves and even paid attention to the noise he made as he emptied the wheelbarrow each time. In no time, Caleb had found his mittens (he doesn’t have work gloves) and the closest thing he could to a wheelbarrow- his shopping cart. He loaded his makeshift wheelbarrow with dirt, proudly pushed it with his mitten-covered hands, and said “Here, Mom, I have some mulch for you. Where do you want it?”- and let out a loud grunt” as he dumped it over.

Just as Caleb imitated his Father, we too can choose to dress as our Father dresses- with the help of his Spirit in us, we can put off our old self and put on the new. We look at his nail-pierced hands, we see how they move with kindness and compassion and servant hood. We ask him to help us do the same.

The entire time he worked, Caleb had a smile on his face. He almost raced back after each load- so incredibly happy to he working, to be helping, to be joining in with his Father on a task, no matter how small.

I’ve seen similar reactions in my boys before- an eagerness to dust, do the dishes, or for my 2 year old, help in the kitchen- he always pushes his stool up to the counter and says, “Mama, can I help you? Let me stir it.” I’m not sure when this eagerness to help turns into drudgery, but this week God reminded me as I watched my precious boy’s face what working for the Lord looks like. Later on that evening as I was doing a sink full of dishes, I heard him whisper, “how would you do this task as if I told you, do this for me.” We can do whatever task at hand, no matter how small, for him and with him, with a thankful joyful heart.

Colossians 3:23 was my letter jacket verse. Did you guys have those? At my high school, some students would put a nickname on the tail of their letter jacket- I chose to put this verse- my life’s motivation- on mine.

A recovering perfectionist, and over achiever- I often claimed my working hard to excel at all things was because I was working unto the Lord, with my whole heart- always, always giving my best. My parents had never told me they wanted me to make A’s, just that they wanted me to try my best, and take their charge to heart, I did. My best was as close to 100 as possible (for an average….in every single class, and I stayed up way too late to make that happen). For years I worked myself to the bone, as a high school student, college student, teacher, wife and now mother. Sometimes, I wonder what was it all for? If I’m not careful, I can slip into a mindset of worshipping excellence, a job well-done, instead of the One who enables me to work. In motherhood, when my worked-for results come up short in regards to failed VBACs, colicky babies, failed attempts at potty training or difficulty with my toddler tantrums and discipline, or even contentment I am tempted to believe it’s just because I didn’t work hard enough to earn the sought-for reward.

But, after watching Caleb, God brought back this verse to mind, and corrected my thinking…. I think this working hard verse is not only about who we are working for, Christ Jesus, but also who we are working with-God himself. In the beginning of Colossians 3, Paul says “For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” We are dead to sin. We cannot work for his nod of approval. We work as approved sons and daughters, our lives hidden in Christ. We don’t work for him as servants (though we are to have a mindset of an eager servant in all things), but with him as his sons and daughters.  Caleb was just so happy to be working with his Dad, and shouldn’t we be more so? To get our hands dirty in kingdom work with our Father is the place where deep joy is found.

He has made us able (2 Corinthians 3:5). Like Caleb, we can say, “I’m a good helper!” But, we can stop and ask questions when we are confused, “Is this where the mulch goes?” We don’t let our lack of knowledge keep us from working confidently as we do the task the Lord has called us to do, knowing it is he who works in and through us. (Philippians 2:12-13).

I love the new year. A blank slate, a fresh start- hope. People often speak of dream guides, goal planning, reflections. I have to be careful when I get into planning and do-ing mode, checking my motives behind all the doing.

I’ve spent some time over the past week praying about the new year, asking God for direction, a word, maybe. That seems to be the thing to do these days- choose a focus word for the year. Some words came to mind: connect, love, believe, build, joy, thankfulness. But, I couldn’t nail one down. I prayed and prayed some more. I turned the page in my prayer journal and came to a blank one. Every page of my journal is lined but this one- a misprint I’m sure, but I thought perhaps God is wanting to tell me something?

I’m still not sure what he has in store for this year. But, I am excited to see what he writes on the page. This chapter belongs to him. It’s good to be reminded that we can plan, but he is sovereign.

Our lives are short. He is with us. He will enable us to do what he has called us to do for each chapter of our lives. And when all else fails, we can’t go wrong with love.

“And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.“ (1 John 3:23). So Mama, cast off the shoulds, lay down your deadly doing and embrace what He has done. Lay aside your self-imposed motherhood law and take Him at His Word: simply believe and love.

So this year, no matter where you are working or what goals you are attempting to achieve- remember who you are working for and with and labor in love.