The Ultimate Tantrum Survival Guide: Part 7, M is for Manage Expectations, Make Use of Gospel Centered Language and Music |

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M: Manage Expectations, Make use of Gospel Centered language, and Music

In college, I heard a Christian speaker share the acronym HALT. He said to be very careful about making BIG decisions, and whenever we found ourselves at a crossroads, we should get in the habit of pausing (HALT) and asking are we:

H- Hungry

A- Angry

L- Lonely

T- Tired

We should manage our expectations of our kiddos, too, especially when they are undergoing any of the outside stressors above. Now that I have multiple kids, I sometimes will expect my 2 year old to act like my 3.5 year old, especially since he was so verbal, so young. Sometimes, it is good for me to pause, and remember, he is only 2! I have to have some realistic expectations (not that we shouldn’t require obedience).

Is she hungry- has it been a while since she had a snack? Maybe that is why she is losing her mind.

Has this day just been a day of you constantly having to correct and discipline and now your child is somewhat on edge, angry at everyone? Or perhaps, he is simply frustrated because he isn’t able to do things he wants to be able to do.

Is he lonely- have you not spent much time with him today, intentionally playing?

I know my boys tend to get extra whiny or sometimes super energy charged if it is close to nap or bed time. Perhaps your child is tired, and that is why she is acting out. My boys also wake up from their naps in a REALLY BAD mood most days. So I just hold them on the couch and let them be grumpy for about 15 minutes or so, and then we move on with our day. I know not to ask them to do something they don’t want to do unless I want a full out battle on my hands.

It’s so funny how much my expectations can shape my attitude. When my first was 4 months, if anyone asked me about him, I would give them our sad sleep saga. He was an extremely difficult baby: he cried almost constantly and did not sleep well at all for the first half year of his life. It was so bad, that the mere question, “How is the baby doing?” would bring me to tears more times than not. Fast forward 3 years and 3 babies, and my youngest is now 4 months. He, like his older brother isn’t a fan of sleep (thankfully, he is a happy guy for the most part though now that we got his lip and tongue-tie revised and tried some of our other tools- read more here, if you are interested). When people ask me how things are going with our 3, it’s funny because although my circumstances are arguably more challenging right now than they were 3 years ago, I usually smile. I may mention that I am tired or that E isn’t sleeping well if that question is asked, but for the most part I am focusing on all the good things about this stage. I am very aware that he may be our last little one, and I am trying to do by best to soak up these fleeting (but OH so hard) baby days. I also know that this waking up 5-6 times a night will not last forever. There is a certain perspective that comes with having more children and realizing how quickly they go through each stage.

My husband and I laugh now because we have a much higher tolerance for chaos and crying at our house. I’ve come to realize that 2 year olds just cry a lot. They also seem to change their opinion about food daily. Sometimes they eat everything. Some days they eat nothing. It’s okay. They want their way, and they have to learn they don’t always get what they want. I asked a counselor at church once if I should “discipline” the tantrum itself. I gave an example when I told my son it was time to go and he threw a fit. He was obeying me, but screaming loudly and hysterically. She said it is normal for him to be upset at that age- she asked, what direction were his feet going? She said he has to obey, but he doesn’t have to be happy about it. She said he can feel what he wants to feel but he can’t do what he wants to do. If his feet were following me, he was doing what I asked.

Sometimes when everyone is throwing a tantrum, we just keep trucking along, knowing that they will stop crying eventually. I expect the chaos more, and so my feathers aren’t as easily ruffled when it comes (though I definitely have my days…read more about how I fight for contentment on those days hard days at this post, here).

There has to be a balance of demanding obedience in our homes, but also expecting that our kids are going to need a lot of help. It comes naturally for them to disobey.

Make Use of Gospel-Centered Language:

Use words from Scripture at a level they can understand. Some examples of this include: make peace, reconcile, kind, thankfulness (other character words).

Music– Sometimes music can change a mood incredibly quickly. Is everyone on edge (Mama included), play some fun music. Get up and dance!

Music is also a powerful teacher! I have mentioned Daniel Tiger many times before, but my boys will often sing the jingles- it helps them immensely to calm down, share, know what they can do when they wait, remembering that we are coming back to pick them up, knowing when it’s time to clean up, to go to the potty, to stop and listen to stay safe. If there is something your kids are having trouble with, maybe you can look up a song and see if there is a catchy-jingle that can help be their teacher.

Similar to how many teachers use music in the classroom, music can also be used to cue different transitions at home (time to eat dinner, time to load up in the car, etc).

For your free cheat sheet with the Tantrums acronym (handy for hanging on the fridge), subscribe here

Read Part 8 here: The Ultimate Tantrum Survival Guide, Part 8: S is for Silliness, Shift Language and Stick to what you say