Why I’m Going on a Social Media Fast

I vividly remember the first time I laid eyes on an iPhone in the summer of 2008. I got my first one a few years later, in 2010, which means for almost a decade I’ve had this handy device almost always with me wherever I go.

I am old enough to have experienced my college years pre-smart phone era (PSPE…can I make a new acronym?) I remember days walking across campus, smiling at people, saying, “Howdy!” (a Texas A&M tradition for those of you non Aggies). Prayers filled my mind, eye contact often made with strangers, and running into friends was one of the best things. I don’t really remember anyone walking around looking down, or checking out from the world with headphones in their ears- constantly connected, but not really in the ways that matter most. I began teaching  high school in 2007, and I noticed a drastic difference in the ways my students interacted with one another during any “down time” seven years later when I left the classroom to become a stay-at-home-mom.

I have much to say on this topic- the way technology has drastically affected the landscape of our minds- but I am trying to limit my word count so you will actually read this (we have shorter attention spans these days). Technology, like so many things is simply a tool: one that can be used for good or bad, one that can control us, or one that we can control, one that can increase our fear, or be used as a powerful way to speak truth, one that can bond us or break us.

I love technology.

It helps us know:

I was the first at the high school I taught at to embrace technology more fully by recording videos of myself working Calculus problems and posting on youtube for students to watch before tests (yet I never intended this to replace face to face instruction and paper copies, but don’t get me started on that tangent- I simply wanted to supplement what was already done in class). A decade later those videos are still being viewed. I hope they help struggling students understand Calculus concepts, ease their frustration and worry and show them they can do math. Technology is powerful and useful for education. When we want to learn how to do anything from gardening, to baking, to perfecting that hair- wand technique, to hanging a ceiling fan, to using that water mesh ring sling, we can simply pick up our phone and know.

In this season of life I love being able to learn fun activities to do with my kids at home (Busy Toddler anyone?),  learning about fun places to go or things to do with little ones. There are so many wonderful ideas out there. I wonder how differently our days would be if I didn’t use so many resources I learned about online.

It helps us connect:

I love that I can pick up my phone and be connected. As a stay at home Mom, I often feel isolated from the world. I can find very specific community (moms who’ve had colicky babies, people who live in certain neighborhoods, who love certain things, etc).  In fact, when we miscarried our first baby Sam, 5 years ago I wrote about it in my little corner of the world wide web, and it got read thousands of times by people all over the world. When we struggled so much in the early months of each of our boys lives with incessant crying and not sleeping and felt so alone (everywhere I looked peaceful babies were soundly asleep in their car seats) it helped to find others going through the same thing online so I did not feel so alone. Facebook groups unite you, help you know you’re not the only one who struggles, and are a wonderful place to ask for questions from people who understand.

I love technology because I get to stay connected with former students, child hood friends, those I met in college. It’s fun to see picture of people’s kids and see what people are up to. I love that FaceTime is an option for those who live far away.

In fact, without it I most likely would’ve never met my wonderful husband (you can read some of our story here– we met on Eharmony).

It helps us create:

We can learn about all the fun craft and creative projects- build a table, design a t-shirt,  a vinyl decal, a cool wood sign, a fun craft project with kids- all at the tip of our fingers.

We can create huge platforms via social media. It has created the ability to work from home doing all sorts of crazy jobs that didn’t even exist a few years ago (selling beauty products, books, teaching students online, working out, bloggers, podcasters, pinterest analyzers, google ad makers, just to name a few)

It is a huge tool to use for ministry. We can learn about people in need and can help those across the world. It is an amazing way to share the gospel with the ends of the earth.

It helps us consume:

The ability to shop online and get things delivered to your door within hours: food, transportation, goods. Oh how I was so thankful for Shipt the first several months of 3 under 4.

It gives us something “to do”:

I spent hours and hours nursing our first. It gave me something “to do” while spending all that time in that precious chair (I asked my mom what she did when she nursed us and she said simply nursed us). It provides something “to do” in any down time in fact- waiting in line, at the doctors, to get your car’s oil changed…in any spare space of life what have I become: a phone-picker-upper.

It gives us the ability to record and remember:

I want to have my phone close by just in case my son takes his first steps or says something hilarious, or does anything smart in need of documenting, lest I forget it forever. I need it near so I can share with other moms what we’re doing, after all that’s one of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place. My phone is my calendar, my journal, my video camera all rolled into one.

I hate technology.

It makes me feel like I can always know and yet robs my peace, increase my anxiety. It makes me feel like I always must know, and I have major FOMO (fear of missing out)

We cannot know everything. We weren’t meant to. Check out this post I wrote for Women Encouraged for more thoughts on that: Mama Doesn’t Always Know Best

Only God is All-Knowing. It is way too much for our humanness to bear.

I get a little antsy when I’m away from my phone for too long. What if I an emergency happens? What if some horrible event is occurring and I don’t know so I cannot prepare? Or, on the flip side, what is some amazing deal, event or sale is going on and I miss out?

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It disconnects me from the people I am physically present with:

You can read more on this at this instagram post here: Our Children Are Our First Neighbors

How many days do I pick up the phone and choose the virtual world over the physical one? How often do I choose to connect with adults via messenger and GroupMe over connecting with the three little men who have been given to me? Somehow I am way more quick to pick up my phone when it’s just the boys around because they are kids and not adults. I would never pick up my phone while at a playdate having a conversation with another mom, but I effectively do this all the time with my three year old. What am I teaching him?

Please, please read this article. It is so worth three minutes of your time: Do Not Disturb: How I Ditched my Phone and Unbroken my Brain.  Here is a short excerpt:

“Psychologists have a name for this: “phubbing,” or snubbing a person in favor of your phone. Studies have shown that excessive phubbing decreases relationship satisfaction and contributes to feelings of depression and alienation.

For years, I’ve justified my phubbing by treating it as a professional necessity.”

This post isn’t about how technology affects our children, that’s a whole other huge thing…but I will say young people are having a hard time knowing how to truly connect with one another. Things like teen pregnancy and drinking and the number of kids who get their drivers license when they turn 16 are down (because kids hang out less with each other) while other things like depression, suicide, and anxiety are at all time highs.

It destroys by leading to depression and feelings of defeat when we live in constant comparison to others:

I scroll and compare. I see someone else’s home, someone else’s craftiness,  someone else’s super easy birth story, someone else’s baby girl,  someone else’s amazing postpartum body, and it instantly triggers in me feelings of disappointment, discontent, depression (see When I don’t feel thankful) . In the world of blogging, it’s even harder to try not to compare and wonder why this person seems to have “made it” over someone else. Comparison is the stealer of joy and it can be detrimental to friendships.  I see and I covet. I desire more and more.

If we are so busy measuring people, we cannot love them. Life is not a competition. You can read more thoughts on that here:  Prescription for Contentment

For more on comparison, these are some excellent thoughts from Ruth Chou Simons: You Have No Story to Steward But Your Own

It prevents us from abstaining:

There is no rest. At least for me, my mind has an incredibly difficult time resting from thought. There is always something to go on the list of “to do” or “to buy”. There is something to share, something to document. I have some free moments at a red light and I pick up my phone (I mean, what?! How crazy is that?) Why can’t I just let my mind rest?

No wonder Marie Kondo is a household name. We are living in excess- not only in our physical worlds but in our virtual worlds as well.

But most importantly, our mental worlds: we cannot tolerate time for nothing for too long when we are constantly being distracted by the dings and notification bubbles on our phone.

And with the world at our fingertips, it is extremely easy to buy anything we want, whenever we want it, even when it may not be the wisest choice.

It makes us feel like we need to do everything, and yet we have a hard time doing just one thing:

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I am the worst at this. I see a good idea and instantly think, “I need to do that.”

See: Mama, Stop Trying to Carry All the Things

It seems my brain has lost the ability to do only one thing. I used to be able to read a book (I still can but not without interuptions or thinking I need to check my phone). I used to be able to sit and watch a tv show without my phone close by.

It makes me forget the preciousness of time and being fully present:

I have allowed it to rob away countless hours scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.  I feel this incessant need to pickup my phone (my screen time use is an average of an embarrassing 4 hours per day)- to check and make sure no one “needs” me, to look and see if anyone has liked something I posted, to comment, to respond.

As I try to always have my phone close by to snap a photo if some important milestone occurs, I’ve forgotten that once not that long ago every picture cost money. You had to wait to get the picture developed before you knew if it was a good one. Pictures were not free. Maybe they still aren’t free in that they cost us our time. Perhaps I should be more like Jim and Pam and take more mental snap shots of the day instead of always watching my children’s lives through a lens.

I’m afraid if I don’t document it, I’m going to forget it. In an effort to make time stand still, I let the moment slip away. I can’t hold time in my hand. It’s like sand. We are not the author of time. We cannot hold onto our days. We are not infinite. We are finite. But it’s not fun to remember we are but dust, and the days are long but the years are short- yes, they are so very short.

“You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:14

Spiritual Significance

We are overstimulated and underwhelmed. We have lost our awe of God.

I never have any blank space- time to commune with God in my thoughts as I always pick up the phone.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why? Why do I run to my phone? What need am I trying to meet? (Control, significance/purpose, entertainment, calendar, reminders, distraction)

I have been reading The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World  by Melissa B. Kruger over the past few months, and I know I need to be serious about this struggle in my life and call it what it is: sin (Kill Sin or It Will Kill You). And in order to beat this sin of envy (that has the pattern: see, covet, take and hide), I know I need to do something radical. I am taking this lenten season as an opportunity to say no to social media.

Years ago, Bryan and I taught through 1 Peter, and when we got to 1 Peter 1:13: Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ, it was if God put bold font around sober-minded as I read.

Sober-minded, most of us think well I’m not a drunk so: check, got that one covered. John Piper says, “The great problem with drunkenness is that it distorts reality by making the mind insensitive to what is true and real and valuable.” It made me think what things have the potential to have a numbing effect on my mind other than alcohol?

God gave me this mental image of living in a world full of zombies: everyone checked out, looking down on their phones, desensitized to the real world they were walking around in. How is my mind prepared for action when I am giving my attention to my phone? The same phrase is used later in Chapter 5, in reference to the devil, like a lion looking for someone to devour. This battle for our mind is one of the most important battles we can fight.

Also, if you haven’t seen this video, you definitely should. It’s really powerful:

Eye opening

Caleb (4 years old) wanted to keep doing something the other day, and I was trying to engage in play with him. He wanted to play alone, and said, “Mom, just look at your phone.” Ouch.

He also recently got a new really cool writing tool called a boogie board and it mildy resembles a phone. He proudly put it in his pocket and walked around, saying, “Look Mama, I have a phone like you.” Our children are always watching.

When I misplace my phone or cannot find it, a surge of panic runs through my body. Anxiety instantly overcomes me. I think, I cannot lose it: that phone is my life: my side hustles (tutoring and blogging), my connection to friends and family, all the pictures and videos of the boys, contacts…I need my phone, I think. It’s not safe without it. What if an emergency happens?

I excuse it away. I am alone, I have three little boys so full of energy, and I don’t want to “lose my mind”, I am “working” by either sharing blog posts, insta-storying, encouraging other moms, sharing truth, pointing to Christ. This virtual space is my “mission field”, and I’m using it intentionally.

But I know the truth. My brain has changed. And, I have a problem. How can I meditate on the truth of God’s word when my brain is looking for constant stimulation?

Saying No Opens the Door for Other Yeses

This is going to be hard. I have to admit, I’m a little fearful what it may do to my blog by stepping away from social media for a while, but this is something I know God is calling me to, and I am saying yes to Him. I plan to let myself check in on Sundays (feast day) for 10 minutes max.

Anytime we take something away, I think it’s important to have a plan to replace what we are saying no to with something we can say yes to. We do this for our boys and it works wonders for tantrums- if we just tell them no, no, no you cannot do that all day they forget what they can do (The Ultimate Tantrum Survival Guide, Part 8: S is for Silliness, Shift Language and Stick to what you say). This is another great read for those of you with older children who are constantly asking for their own smart phones: What I Gave my Kid Instead of a Smart Phone.

Saying no to social media is going to allow me to:

Say yes to more focused prayer, meditation, scripture memory, study of the Scriptures.

Say yes to texting a friend and intentioanlly checking in.

Say yes to focused attention.

Say yes to more time to truly read real books.

Say yes to playing more with my kids without feeling like I need to document and share everything.

Say yes to silence.

I am looking forward to this challenge and praying God uses this time to rewire my brain and to do some healing so that it may look more like it once did.

Signing off now by posting this, and I’m going to have to exercise extreme self control to not check how this post is doing tomorrow.

P.S. This is 3 times the link of a recommended blog post, so kudos to you if you read this whole thing (you’re probably not nearly as addicted to your phone as I am)!

Will you consider joining me?

For other Easter- related posts:

Resurrection Eggs and The Gospel

Gospel-Centered Books for Little Ones

What do Jesus and Easter Egg Hunts Have in Common?

If you found this blog post helpful, please share so other Mamas can see!