Prescription for Contentment
“Prescription for contentment: never allow yourself to complain about anything-even the weather, never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else, never compare your lot with another’s, never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise, never dwell on tomorrow- remember that [tomorrow] is God’s not ours”- from Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow
These words popped up on my Facebook feed, a reminder from 6 years ago.
They are good in the hardest kind of way.
I still LONG for a heart that sees the best, that chooses thankfulness over complaining. I’ve come to learn that being thankful leads to contentment, and in order to be thankful more and complain less we have to practice. I picture my “thankful heart” as a muscle that needs to be worked out. The more I work it out, the stronger it becomes, and the easier it is for me to CHOOSE gratitude and ultimately joy and contentment.
“Christian contentment, therefore, is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord and to be totally at His disposal in the place He appoints, at the time He chooses, with the provision He is pleased to make.”- Sinclair Ferguson
When I see things that I wish were different in my life and focus on them and continually think on them, I am working out my “discontentment muscle”. The more I think this way, the more those little path ways are treaded in my mind.
Imagine you are in a field of wild grass- and then you see a pathway that has been made by people walking one direction, back and forth, over some period of time. Which is easier: to tread your own path in the high grass or to take the one already made for you? It becomes easier and more natural to walk down those pathways because they are the ones clear from years of walking, or in the case of contentment, thinking. If God allows a certain situation to come again and again in my life, and I choose to compare, complain, grumble, doubt that is the pathway that is being made clear again for the future, that is the muscle I am choosing to strengthen and it will only be that much more challenging to choose thankfulness the next time I am put in an undesirable (to me) situation. To create a new path, I must SET my mind on things above (Col 3). I must choose to let my mind be transformed (Romans 12) by BEING thankful in ALL THINGS (1 Thess 5:17).
When Adam and Eve were put in the garden they didn’t look to all the trees that God gave them. They had SO many good choices. Instead, they focused on the ONE they couldn’t eat from. “It looked pleasing to the eye” so she took and ate….if only she had been thankful and CONTENT with the things God had given her.
Contentment is something I am still (by the grace of God) working on- I long for my contentment muscle to grow. When the beginning of this journey of my motherhood was incredibly hard (much harder than I anticipated), God placed me in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) when the study was on the Life of Moses. It was perfect timing, and He taught me so many things that year- you can read more in this post, here.
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Years ago, I read the book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are
“Two women looked through prison bars, one saw the mud, the other saw stars.”- Dale Carnegie
Which one am I? Motherhood can be oh so challenging. Am I wishing for a something to change (for a kid to be “easier” or get through a certain stage (like not sleeping), or for a bigger house or wondering what it would be like to have a “real job” or only one child) or am I practicing being thankful, here now, in these 4 walls, with these 3 he has given us for now?
Let us press on to live the fullest life, one full of JOY in Him.
Full Disclosure:
Yesterday was a HARD day. I don’t know why exactly, but it was just one of those days where I felt completely overwhelmed and on the verge of yelling at my children all.day.long. (Please tell me I am not alone in having “those” days).
The thing is nothing horrible happened. But it was 3 o’clock before I ate anything of substance. I never drank my coffee. I literally did not get dressed until 9pm when my husband graciously took the baby who was refusing to sleep all day long and let me go on a Target run for my sanity.
We have 3 boys, all 3 and under and they all stay home with me all day long, as none of them are in school yet. Let’s just say someone always needs something. And some days it feels like 85% of the time somebody is crying. It’s a game of whose needs are most important in this moment? The baby doesn’t sleep well at night (we just tend to make “hard” babies- you can read more about how we cope with that here), but he usually is a champ at taking naps. I am always so thankful for that morning nap time. It gives me time to be intentional with the older two- by simply being present and playing with them, or doing some sort of craft or “mini lesson”. Or sometimes I use that time to prep dinner, clean the dishes, get dressed or do a work out video with the big ones. My expectation was that E would nap, and I would have that time, but after trying 3 different times to get him to sleep (and taking an hour and a half to do so) it just didn’t happen.
My day was full. Full of trying to clean, but constantly getting interrupted, “Mama I need more oatmeal, please.” Full of trying to teach the boys to make peace and share and obey and not throw the magnatiles. Full of holding a baby who refused to nap. Full of chaos.
Somehow I found myself looking at the clock in the afternoon (once I finally got all the boys to sleep) and realizing I had only had a couple bites of oatmeal to eat in the morning and that I needed to eat lunch. As I looked around the house and saw toys everywhere, clothes on the couch, dishes in the sink, nothing checked off my ever-present to-do list, my mind was going down the road of listening to the condemning voice of, “what have you done all day?” very quickly. As soon as I laid E down, I start getting overwhelmed thinking how am I going to use this precious time where no one needs me? What do I do first with a never ending list of things to do? There is no way I can accomplish all of these tasks….
Everyday in motherhood is not like this. The day before I took the boys to the splash pad in the neighborhood and they had a great time. But there are definitely days, at least for me, where these tidal waves seem to overwhelm me: I am a mess and everything around me is a mess, and I feel myself about to lose control. It’s hard when we are met with the unexpected.
- We expect the baby to nap like he normally does, but for some reason he decides not to.
- We expect our 2 yr old to eat his favorite fruit because he normally does, but for some reason today he hates fruit and all the food he normally loves.
- We expect to be able to get pregnant, but keep welcoming the unwanted time of the month.
- We expect to get married, but the years go by and we still haven’t met the guy God has for us.
- We expect to see a heart beat, but there isn’t one. (read more here)
- We expect to wake up in the morning or have another day with our loved ones, but God calls us or them home.
Some of these, of course are MUCH larger hopes and expectations than others. But they all beg the question, where do we place our hope. In our expectations? Or in our God?
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Proverbs 13:12
“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is in Him.” Psalm 62:5
On days where I look around and find my mind quickly going to an unhealthy place, it helps me to stop and breathe: to pray and look around for something, anything to be thankful for. It helps me to stop and think about the bigger picture, and remember that this whole life isn’t about me. I am not the center. And there is always, always something to be thankful for (how can I truly complain about my baby not sleeping when at least he is alive?).
When nap time doesn’t go as planned, or when I don’t get the things checked off of my list, it is good to remember babies don’t keep. This is my assignment- to love these little guys, to teach them and shape them, to model for them what it looks like when things don’t go my way. How am I connecting with my sons, and what am I showing them about gratitude amidst the crazy?
Maybe it’s not really about what I’m doing, but rather, who He’s shaping me in to. Is He working on my patience, my self control, my ability to be thankful even when small unexpected things happen? Those responses to small things shape our responses to big ones.
Is my hope in nap time (some uninterrupted hours to think and be and do or rest without everyone needing me?) or is it in the cross of Christ?
Be encouraged, Mama. Today, if you feel like you got nothing “done” besides feeding your kids and keeping them alive, remember to find your hope in Him. Know that no one can live YOUR life, but you. Run YOUR race, for Him.
“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24
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