When God Speaks
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| He will quiet us with His love |
I remember years ago hearing someone talk about how when God created the world He chose to speak everything into existence (aside from man, which He formed with His hands). Think about that. He could have done something else, but He chose speaking as His primary agent for creation. Christ is also known as the Word. And He is speaking still, if we choose to listen and make space in the midst of all the noise of our lives to hear Him.
Some friends of ours have been encouraging listening prayer a lot lately, and at Bible study this week it was a girls week and we sat and listened. Except for one thing…I have a newborn. A sweet, adorable (and yet sometimes hard to calm) baby boy. I had a hard time not hearing his screams so I went downstairs to get him from Bryan and sat in a room by myself nursing our baby, hoping he would calm down.
As I sat there, I thought there is no reason why I cannot talk to God here in this room, alone instead of the room next door where everyone else is. I asked God if there was anything He wanted to tell me and He so beautifully spoke to me in the way He often does- analogies.
The words daughter and“self-soothe” came to mind, immediately followed by quiet and then two passages of Scripture.
As a girl growing up in church, this is a very familiar passage of Scripture. I have often focused on the fact that God sings over us, His daughters, but that night I focused on the phrase I hadn’t given much thought to before: QUIET you with His love.
Daughter
I heard God call me daughter. He first reminded me He is my Father. He is my Daddy and He cares for me, just like I care for Ethan, the little baby I was nursing at that very moment. This is huge! How often I let this identity statement just go in one ear and out of the other, but lately I have been struggling with worth and identity. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful, but oh so hard and exhausting at times. I struggle to get dressed most days and as someone who is super type- A and takes joy in checking of her to-do list, the newborn days are a huge struggle. It is good to be reminded that my relationship with God is not dependent upon what I do or don’t do on any given day, but simply on His Son, and since I have trusted in Him for salvation I, too am His child.
Self-Soothe
So when it comes to raising babies, most books will tell parents that they must give their babies an opportunity to “self-soothe” (i.e. cry to sleep?! Okay, honestly I have never quite figured out what people mean when they say this but let’s just say I am on my third kid and none of mine have been able to self-soothe at a young age. Maybe because mine haven’t been able to find their thumbs that young or because two haven’t taken pacifiers, but I’m not quite sure how leaving a newborn baby swaddled on their back in a crib is teaching them anything other than to cry, but no judgement here. It just hasn’t worked well for me. Even if they wanted to self-soothe, how would they? They can’t even move. I just haven’t ever personally felt comfortable letting my little ones cry until they are a bit older and can actually more realistically self-soothe by rolling, reaching for a pacifier or their lovey, etc.) Anyways, when God spoke this I feel like He wanted me to know just like I don’t like to leave Ethan to “self-soothe” or cry loudly for hours on end, He does not leave me to do so either. In my crying, my complaining and whining, He does not leave me. In my attempts to self-soothe with a bowl of ice-cream (except now I actually had to give up dairy lol), scrolling instagram or watching a tv show at the end of the night, He does not leave me. And in fact, in all of my attempts, I am not even able to truly self-soothe (spiritually speaking) and neither are you. We weren’t meant to do so.
Quiet
He wants to rush in and quiet me with His love, if only I will become aware that He is there, if only I listen to Him in His singing and don’t get so wrapped up in my own little world of possibilities and what-ifs. Notice it’s His love that quiets us, not His glory or holiness or righteousness or any of the other qualities of his God-ness. If I am able to remember and truly believe not just in my head, but in my heart, that He LOVES me, I will stop my whining, my complaining, my worrying, my frenzy of fear and I will be still. I will rest in the arms of my loving Father, who is Sovereign and good and knows all and is alone worthy of all my trust and adoration and praise.
God was so kind to remind me of another Scripture:
I could never forget Ethan sitting there, nursing, but even more so God does not forget me. And He does not forget you.
One of the questions we were asked to answer in our exercise of listening to God (really it was just like having a conversation with a friend) was is there anything that is creating distance between you and Him. I have felt this distance for a long time, and confessed that to God and asked Him to show me the root of it. I used to read the Bible and journal daily, for at least a decade but since 2013 I have struggled to do so consistently. I came up with a long list of possibilities: marriage, motherhood, lack of sleep, distractions of social media, to-do lists, tutoring, etc. but He spoke one word: FEAR.
In 2013, two things happened: we lost our first baby (you can read about it here) and I found out I was born with a heart defect. Enter in FEAR. I have always struggled with worry and anxiety to some degree but with these two events the enemy rushed in and grabbed a foothold in my mind and my heart. I often fear that I will die soon or fear that something will happen to one of my babies. When I look back over my life, I get saddened by how often I let fear rule. I was fearful I would never get married, then fearful that God would take Bryan once we got married. I was fearful that we could never have children, and then when we lost Sam, I was fearful we would lose all of our babies. When I got pregnant each time I was so afraid it often robbed the joy- and during each pregnancy I was given more reason to fear (with Caleb I had a white spot on his ultrasound so they thought he may have cystic fibrosis, with David I had a hematoma so I couldn’t do any heavy lifting, with Ethan I had low PAPP-A so we had to have weekly tests towards the end due to a greater chance of stillbirth). I get so upset with myself that even though I know God, I allow my joy to be robbed by fear. Lately I have heard so many heartbreaking stories of loss: a guy I worked with a summer camp tragically passed away leaving behind his wife and three young children, another friend’s cousin lost their two year old in his sleep, another their wife, another their child to cancer. When I hear stories of such tragic loss or even watch them on television (house fire on This is Us….anyone else?), I cannot help but cry for hours on end if I let myself truly imagine what these people are going through. And then a little voice comes “what if that happens to you?” If I let it, fear runs rampant and makes me believe I am forgotten. The truth is HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN US. Even if the worst happens, He still has not forgotten us. See in the moments when our prayer isn’t answered the way we hope, it is so easy to think, “well He must have forgotten me….He healed that other person, or He gave them the gift of marriage, or health or a child”…or whatever it is that your heart desires most. But, He is God and we are not and He can see the whole picture and we only get a pinhole. I cannot self-soothe, or be self-sufficient and prevent anything bad or unwanted from happening to anyone I love. I cannot prevent my boys from experiencing pain, and I cannot explain why any of these tragic things happen. But I can say no to fear and say yes to faith in the midst of any trial. That is our choice. We can forget fear when we realize He has not forgotten us. In the Zephaniah 3, verse 16, the verse before the Scripture above, it says “fear not…let not your hands grow weak”. This fear is the same fear used in Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve were afraid because they had not obeyed God and they hid from Him.
Fear leads to hiding. It leads to distancing ourselves from our Father. Faith leads to running into His arms (Hebrews 12:1-2).
We lost my Maw Maw a few months ago, and sometimes I still want to call her or bring the boys by to see her, and then I remember she isn’t here anymore. Death is so final- this separation from the ones we love so much so hard. But for those in Christ, we know death is not truly final. It is actually the beginning of our most real life. Do you know Him? Like really know Him, like a friend? Read His Word. Ask Him to speak to you.
I recently heard a beautiful analogy on the God Centered Mom podcast (highly recommend!): she used to work with kids who got their cochlear implant and she said her favorite thing was being in the room when the device was turned on for the first time. She said that the very first two things the parents wanted to communicate to their child was 1) that they loved them and 2) their name. Do you know God as your Father? He wants you to know that 1) He loves you (John 3:16) and 2) He knows your name (Isaiah 43:1).
None of us knows the number of days we have left on this earth.
For now we know only in part….but one day we will know more fully. Here’s to asking God to free me from my fear, to remembering He has not forgotten me and to running with faith the race set before me (not perfectly, but with my eyes on Him).
If you have time, you should check out this great song with rich lyrics…”your plan is still to prosper, you have not forgotten us, you are with us in the fire and the flood….you are sovereign over us”
